The in-bed sequence: face, smile, two Trap Doors, a slow wave down

The Joyful Exhale, chapter 11

How to do it Common mistakes Research Questions

This is the sequence I use myself, most nights, lying down with the lights already out. Five small steps: the face, a barely-there smile, two slow Trap Doors, a wave of release from the crown down, and the Backdrop at a simmer. It comes with a rule for 3 a.m., because almost everyone wakes then sometimes.

How to do it

Face first. Unclench the jaw, let the tongue rest low, away from the roof of your mouth, and soften the corners of the eyes.
The Secret Smile, barely there, as a signal to the rest of your body that you’re safe enough to let go.
Trap Door, twice through, slowly, with space between the two. Let the day fall through it.
Let a slow wave of release travel down from the crown of the head: face, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, chest, belly, hips, legs, feet, unhurried.
Backdrop at a simmer. Warm, present, no amplification.
If you wake at 3 a.m., don’t check the clock or your phone. Run exhale-weighted breathing and the allowing practice, and let whatever you feel be there without solving it.
If you’re still fully awake after what feels like twenty minutes or so, leave the bed. Turn a low light on, sit on the edge of the bed for one breath, then do something boring and quiet, no screens, until you’re sleepy again.

When to reach for it

Every night, lying down with the lights out.
After the evening downshift, once the lights have been dim for a while.
Waking at 3 a.m. with your mind already running.
A hotel bed, shorter: one long exhale sitting on the edge of the bed, then the face, the smile, and two Trap Doors once you’re lying down.
After a night shift, run at 9 a.m. exactly as you would at 11 p.m.

Who should skip it or change it

Nothing in it asks for a hold, so it stays yours with a panic history. Take any warm bath an hour or so before bed and keep the sequence for the bed itself, since letting go in a tub can turn into falling asleep there. Never while driving or operating machinery, this one included, and that covers the drive home after a night shift.

Common mistakes

Checking the clock or your phone when you wake at 3 a.m.Both turn an ordinary wakeful hour into an emergency. Leave them alone and go to the exhale and the allowing practice.

Lying there fighting it.After about twenty minutes fully awake, leave the bed. That habit, borrowed from CBT-I, does more for a bad night than any breathing pattern.

Going straight from a bright screen to a dark pillow.Land in stages. Dim the lights about an hour before bed and get off screens for the last hour if you can.

Debuting a new technique in a hotel bed.Use only what you’ve already practiced at home, and don’t grade the method on one bad night in a strange bed.

What you might notice

A jaw and a pair of eyes hold more tension than most people believe, so the first step often does more than you’d expect. In a hotel the number reads higher before you’ve done anything wrong, and that’s the room. At 3 a.m., the panic about not sleeping does more damage than the missed sleep.

Whatever the feeling is in that dark room, let it be there without trying to solve it at three in the morning. The panic about not sleeping does more damage than the missed sleep. If you’re still fully awake after what feels like twenty minutes or so, leave the bed rather than fight it there. Turn a low light on before you stand, sit on the edge of the bed for one breath first, no screens, something boring and quiet until you’re sleepy again.
From The Joyful Exhale by Eric Bradley, chapter 11

What the research says

The structure (consistent sleep and wake times, dim light, screens off, leave the bed after twenty minutes awake) is standard sleep guidance and does more than any breathing pattern. Cited under Chapter 11.

Does slow breathing before bed help insomnia?

Pairs well with

4-7-8 Breathing The Exhale-Weighted Breath The Ninety-Second Allowing, and the Slate

Rooms where it does the work

Three A.M.The Night Before The Baby Monitor

Questions people ask

What should I do when I wake up at 3 a.m. and can’t get back to sleep?

Don’t check the time or your phone. Run exhale-weighted breathing and the allowing practice, and let whatever you’re feeling be there without trying to solve it at three in the morning.

Should I stay in bed if I can’t sleep?

If you’re still fully awake after what feels like twenty minutes, get up. Turn on a low light, sit on the edge of the bed for one breath, and do something boring and quiet, no screens, until you’re sleepy again.

Can I use the in-bed sequence if I work nights?

Yes. Keep the parts that don’t need a clock, the door before you go in, a dark room, and this sequence, and run it at 9 a.m. exactly as you would at 11 p.m.

The In-Bed Sequence